7/18/2017 0 Comments Big White Ski Resortrecorded in March 2015 (so bear with me here): Today I skied down The Cliff (a run marked as a double black diamond, which I apparently forgot to include when I wrote this) (by myself) for the second time in my life and learnt a few things. At the start, I wasn't scared, I was excited. But after sliding down tentatively, the adrenaline rushed in and I became afraid. I tried to turn my skis around t gain momentum and start making turns but that was easier said than done. I had to ski backward (??) through some really thick snow. At one point, I sat down and just panicked but I talked myself into getting back up and calming down. Slowly but surely, I went on turning because I soon realized the only option I had was to get through this and head to the bottom. For a long time even after I was finished, my body was shaking and my palm were huffing and puffing. In life, when you hit rough patches, it can be hard to pick yourself up. Especially when you're the only one looking out for yourself. Turning around and making the best of a situation you can't escape is almost always the only option. The sad part is that even after you feel like you've gotten over or through something, you aren't the same. Wether it's a fear of trust, a broken heart, or sweaty palms. Today I learnt that I can talk myself through something until I can live with it. We're all a bit shook, but we're alright.
okaaay now moving on from my 15 year old's self so-called wisdom, I wrote the following on March 12th 2016, as a means of reflection... It has been almost a full year, or 365 days, since I have felt these feelings, thought these thoughts, and written these words. The bulk of the message is still very relevent and I am quite confident that it remain this way for rest of my life. However, I can't help but want to record the fact that being changed by trauma or simply an unfolding of events that one has never had to face, is not necessarily a sad thing. I believe it is what make us substantial, human, alive, interesting, and maybe even passionate. It has impacts on all areas of our lives that follow. The way I see it right now, there is an incredibly beautiful sense of honestly in the ability to accept struggle/pain. Perhaps all the more beautiful is the ability to stay soft in a world this cruel. To be kind and to love. It is brave to ski down The Cliff a third time, in spite of knowing the fear and aftertaste that lies ahead. aaand now we're here. back to the present; or what was the future last year and the past of tomorrow. wrote this lil' blurb on March 24th 2017. Yesterday I had the pleasure of bringing my younger sister onto The Cliff. My family has had the chance to visit this resort for a decade now. In past years, I was always eager to ski my heart out every single day of our vacation, always looking to be the youngest to achieve certain feats. Last year, I went as far as to set out to ski all 118 marked runs the mountain holds. It was intense, let's put it that way. This year, something felt kind of different. I might even have to admit that my long time thrill at the thought of skiing has diminished. First off, you have to understand that I'm an ocean kiddo through & through... bring on the tropical heat that most people so often can't stand, the high tide for surfing, and heaps of mangoes, kind of deal. Having said that, I decided to stick to mostly unchallenging terrain. But you know what, I didn't mind at all. It turns out that mornings as beautiful as these ones are sometimes better spent breathing the fresh scent of mountain air that seems to have been the only constant throughout these past 10 years. It seems that I no longer feel a need for the constant exhilaration that used to strike me as worth it in the long run. I am content to stop in the middle of a unhurried slope to take it all in and just breathe. In a similar fashion, it appears as though the past 2-3 years of my time on this planet have been spent with little to no time dedicated to catching my breath. The course of events that took place during this period, all too often left me feeling utterly terrified of the speed at which things change, indescribably alone/hopeless when it came to comprehending my major depression, and prompted me to move from feeling disgustingly numb to feeling everything all too deeply/unhealthily. In the rare moments where I did stop and convince myself that I had made peace with the realities that traumatized me to radical extents, before you knew it I was back to sprinting full speed ahead forgetting to warmup or even fail to listen to my heart screaming out something along the lines of "wait can't we just be still a while and focus on me????". This time around I learnt that there's a happy medium between being substantial, human, alive, interesting, passionate, accepting of struggle, and plain old healthy contentment. I've learnt that I can survive The Cliff, but if the simpler avenue has me wanting it to go on forever, why constantly choose the option that leaves me with shaky knees? Yes, the ability to stay soft in a world this cruel is strong. But I haven't been able to focus solely on the soft in far too long, so who's gonna stop me from hanging out here a while? Life has been tremendously good since, I can tell you that for free.
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3/21/2017 0 Comments Guatemala (May 2016)Day 1, May 15
Our first day under the Guatemalan sun was nothing short of amazing. It began with breakfast at the hotel which included coffee from the region that tasted like no other. Mr. Williams went as far as to say that the coffee transported him right back to his last trip to the country. This cultural day was also spent exploring the cobblestone roads that are such a significant characteristic of Antigua, eating new foods, admiring, and observing. We hiked up to the top of a hill overlooking Antigua which offered an optimal view of the volcano. It is safe to say that our group found the citizens of the town particularly friendly. Unlike what one might find at a touristy resort, the various vendors we encountered were not acting in a forceful or overwhelming manner. If you weren't looking to make a purchase they would simply nod and continue on their way as they welcomed you or wished you a nice day. Even if we just said gracias or buenos dìas, the locals displayed their appreciation of our efforts with a smile. This appreciation of others and the acceptance of all individuals regardless of their monetary means was also evident in the togetherness of people in the centre/park. This necessary sense of community exists in Antigua at a degree which developed countries will never truly comprehend. Selfless, connected, open minded and kind are also traits which could easily be associated with these people. The bright colours of buildings, objects, clothing and so on, are remarkably refreshing and optimistic in relation to the state of poverty that exists here. Similarly, the people of Antigua emit the feeling that living colourfully and with joy is about mindset more so than circumstance. As we enjoyed our dinner, something that our guide Tricia from Developing World Connections stood out to me. Mr. Williams had pointed out how much of a character Rosie (one of the girls on the trip) was. She didn't understand what he meant and so Tricia went on to explain to her that a character is a unique or interesting person, and that we should make a point of filling our lives with these sorts of beings. In my opinion, this rule of thumb is what likely contributes to the beauty, happiness, and simplicity we can see in the eyes of the residents of Guatemala. Day 2, May 16 Day two in this beautiful country brought new faces, new communities, and new perspectives. After breakfast at Fernando's, we made our way by bus to the headquarters of Ecofiltro - the water filtration social business that works to provide clean water for as many residents as possible - and met with its founder and CEO, Philip Wilson. He told us his story, about his process by which he came to the conclusion that he wanted to use his experiences to improve living conditions for his fellow citizens. It was easy to deduce that the key to living a successful life is finding a purpose in helping those around you, that the way to leave your legacy is not through mass wealth, but instead through the impact you make on others. "When you realize you have more yesterdays than tomorrows, that's when you start thinking about your legacy." As I personally reflect on Phillip's claim, I can't help but remind myself to begin thinking about my legacy before I reach the point he has described. That being said, after spending time reading/drawing with the children or helping Theresa (the incredibly selfless genius behind the Open Windows Foundation we are serving) toward building a kitchen, I began to believe that these kids and this community are truly going to remember us and our impact. This first taste of the neighbouring town San Miguel Duenas ended with lots of smiling faces and our BH girls waving the promise to "¡hasta luego!" (see you later). Day 3, May 17 Today consisted of the option to paint or go off to the job site. I chose to remain at Open Windows to help paint the poles in the vicinity of Theresa's street/building. It was such a wonderfully therapeutic and creative way to spend a morning! We each began by painting the poles white, then went on to design something vibrant such as a beach theme, a library, flowers, and butterflies. As enjoyable as this painting activity was, it seemed (from my perspective) like a fairly minor form of service in comparison to the events of the day which took place at the worksite. Although I only heard about this portion of our work second hand, I was very moved to hear about the passing of a teenage girl in the community. Essentially, she took her own life because her mother no longer had the means to pay for her education. Someone pointed out that the money she needed could have easily been covered by lunch at Stella's. I want to avoid unnecessary and personal details. Nonetheless, I think it is safe that we were all emotional for different reasons. The girls who were at the worksite even got the opportunity of delivering coffee and other goods to the sobbing family of the girl who has passed. I know for certain that my own reasons were unique. Someone pointed out that their most memorable part of the day was how glad the family we were building for was to see the progress. That being said, we were reminded that no matter how near or far from home one may wander, people are people. Capable of feeling the same range of emotions as one another. Another heartwarming part of our day was a facebook post made by one of the residents who drives by everyday. She complimented our work on the poles, and presented her gratitude as she is well aware of the development that this town is in need of/deserves. Ms. McGill said that her tone evoked a feeling of surprise at the thought that outsiders would be more than willing to help to the best of their ability. As humans experiencing the good and the bad that inevitably comes with a meaningful life, it appears that we often question the extent to which we are cared about. Today we learnt the value of always remaining humble and kind. Day 4, May 18 This morning Ms. McGill had the great idea of exposing the rest of the group to the reality found on the worksite. I knew going in that this family's home wouldn't be much to look at, however, the poverty I witnessed first hand was nothing short of eye opening. The family we were building for is truly living in dirt and what is their "kitchen" is smaller than my bathroom back home. The few toys that the children did have were always falling onto the ground where a few dogs and chickens were also living. Interestingly enough, however, while a child in Canada would likely become very ill from putting filthy toys back in their mouth, the children of Guatemala have built a much stronger immune system allowing them to handle the often unsanitary living conditions they have been born into. The rest of the day definitely involved giving our best efforts and getting our hands dirty. The proof lies in my cargo pants which were (and still are) covered in cement and paint. Today I feel invigorated by my hard work. Today we learnt the significant appreciation we owe to all jobs. Especially those which cater to the needs of others. After all, isn't that what life is all about? "Who you loved and how deeply you loved them. How you touched the people around you and how much you gave them" (Rupi Kaur). Day 5, May 19 Although every day here in Guatemala is one we make count, today we displayed our diligence creatively by finishing the painting. We also had the opportunity of playing basketball and soccer with children/teenagers of neighbouring schools in the community. As cliché as this may sounds, it is always magical to see how a sport or a half hour of fun can connect people who speak different languages or come from different countries/backgrounds. What would be the first thing you would tell your family upon your return? This question was asked to us during today's rooftop reflection and I think it is worth recording. On behalf of the whole group, I think I can say that we would thank our parents for the opportunity to have been a part of this mission in the first place. Some of the girls expressed that they would apologize for the times they acted in a less than grateful or loving manner. I, for one, would thank my parents for my childhood, the initial foundation to whom I have become. I was beyond blessed by years spent almost solely with my family. Their unconditional love for me shone through constant communication and a feeling of trust on my end. Similarly to many young adults, as I grew older, my knowledge on the world and my opinions on it also grew. The various experiences that came my way began to shape me more prominently than anything else. As I observed the effects of malnutrition, for instance, I was particularly appreciative and positively nostalgic of the way I spent the most simple and innocent years of my life. Day 6, May 20 This final day helping out in San Miguel Duenas was certainly a lovely one. We visited a cemetery as well as a coffee plantation where migrant workers were staying from November to June. Once again, there was a load of people living in a relatively small space alongside chickens and dogs. The cemetery was an extremely interesting sight considering how unlike our own funeral homes they appear. There were flowers growing or placed everywhere you turned and no gravestone or box was quite like the next. All in all, for a cemetery, it felt pretty alive to me. Theresa even pointed out the box where her family rests. In the afternoon, we had the pleasure of building kites with the children as a final activity together. The room filled with smiles, hugs, and maybe even a few tears as Theresa had prepared a little closing ceremony/celebration to thank our group for leaving this incredible country a bit better than we found it. It seemed only right to end our time at the Open Windows Foundation in the same manner we had began. "Hasta luego" (see you later) rather than "goodbye". What actions, small or big, would you take upon your return to Canada following what you have experienced and seen in Guatemala. Many of the responses to this rooftop reflection included a desire to spread awareness and encourage other to practise selflessness as often as possible following the 8 days we spent in Central America. In addition to this, the ideas that stood out to me were the following: - I want to continue improving my Spanish as communication with people from around the world is one of the most enriching opportunities on these sorts of trips. I have so many questions and things to say to the amazing individuals I came across. - I would be interested in looking into a project similar to Ecofiltro that could be applied to our own First Nations communities in Canada who are also facing adversity in terms of clean water. - I will make an even greater effort to smile at people or say hello to the people I pass by. Sometimes something as simple yet sincere as that can make the world of a difference. - Most importantly, I will be sure to remember. It is far too easy to get caught up in superficial things. I'd like to think a part of me will remain in the hearts of the people I aided. That being said, I will keep them in mind every time I complain or find myself feeling greedy. - Lastly, I will further my knowledge on what sort of work I could participate in one day in relation to my studies of psychiatric nursing and the malnutrition centre we visited. The chance to benefit the patients or students of the institution would allow me to incorporate travel and work, which has been a dream of mine for some time now. Day 7, May 21 May long weekend should be spent at the lake, am I right? I have included some photos of our cultural escapade below. Needless to say, the serenity of Lake Atitlan which was only a bus ride away, took my breath away. Following our boat ride, which in all honesty, was one of the most memorable memories I will carry home, we visited a women's co-op cotton making business. It was impressive to hear about the lengthy process required to make string, dye-it, then weave it in order to create the various products the shops have for sale. It also felt wonderful to make a few small purchases in an attempt at helping the local economy grow. This was especially satisfying for myself as I had been working on a large project on the topic of consumerism and its relation to psychology/becoming a better global consumer throughout the school year thanks to my Global Issues course. Day 9, May 23 I am sitting in the plane, about 36,000 feet above the ground. I say I am going home, but I am determined to continue trying to make the bones in my body the only home I need. Prior to this adventure, I tasted parts of life which led me to forget the difference between love and hate. I may not be living on a dirt floor or starving or being denied an education, but there have been days when being alive was the least of my interests. Pain is relative, there is no denying that fact. No matter where we live, the best thing to hold on to is hope and each other. Some time ago now, I learnt the hard way that "it is better to feel pain than nothing at all, because the opposite of love is indifference". I cannot even begin to imagine how much less impactful my contribution to this service trip would have been if I was incapable of being sensitive, empathetic, and caring. |
...................having been blessed with a multitude of adventures abroad while growing up, it is this toolbox that entices me to write about what I believe to be the sole purchase one can make whilst simultaneously enriching who they are. |